you are twenty

You are ten

 

Your best friend lives right across your street

School is great

You love skipping classes and doing everything which ends with up scolding

You ate all the chocolates and now you have multiple tooth aches

You don’t know pain yet

But you cried a fair share of time last week

Met hospital beds, screamed a couple times

And ran away from your home,

Out in nowhere trying to find the real home

You don’t know silence yet

You do your homework the day its supposed to touch your teacher’s hands

And this friend of yours has the purest heart on earth

You don’t know love yet

But you wish happiness over everyone

even yourself

You are ten

and you love to laugh

Paint pastel shades over walls of your room

Because no has told you yet,

the strength it takes to erase something off into nonexistence.

 

 

you are twenty

 

you hate the word best friend

but life was never this full of people

You write your schedule for next 15 days,

but get sick the next day

you are worried about this battle coming up next week

but suddenly remember the scars last one left

Chocolates leaves you sick now

Turns out they are best friends with anxiety

You have nowhere to run away to,

So you stay in your room counting your thoughts

And rearranging them into forgetfulness

You do know pain now

Know the real face of screams and empty tables

The desk with no name next to yours,

You have learned to ignore it till the end of time

The purest heart on earth

Doesn’t remember your name

But, you do know love now

Know it’s shades, it’s storms, it’s seasons

And how death feels alive in this always outnumbered life

You leave your walls as they are

Blank

Because you know the strength it takes

to erase something off into nonexistence.

 

 

 

 

You are thirty

 

You only make good friends

The nightmares still haunts you but you smile through the nights,

while you still can

Your dreams are no longer thoughts

And you steal chocolates once a while

when the real you is sleeping

Your absurdity has found a place in heaven,

And the arrogance you hated have learned to quieten a notch

For the first time,

The not you is silent

And you are trying to remember the world

You have kept the pictures, because you always do

You have torn your anger, because it always cries

The people

The best friends

The purest heart

Have keys to homes in their right hands

You don’t know love, yet again.

You change your pillow covers on weekends

Try to stick with the sun on weekdays

Before they pull their guns,

you already have your hand on trigger

You keep up the seasons and universe

the plants in your house and out on sidewalks

Make sure to go an extra mile,

give an extra smile

throw in some extra hi’s

Never ending hospital beds

But your never ending light

Painting golden skies

Because you know the strength it takes

to live a deadening life

 

 

 

You are forty

 

And time is moving faster than speed of light

You don’t want to hold on to anything

the good, the bad

the happiness, the sadness

because the past has lost its meaning

And your new wounds,

are just another layer of your skin

You have kept the letters

The wrappers of band aids and magical kits

Their medicinal touches and antidotes

You talk about oceans like some tales of your scribbled notebook

some dreams of your dreamland

Time has never been a friend

But maybe this one time,

it can be generous with leavings

Oak wood floor and teak perfumes

teal screens and white rugs

What good did running through alleys did

What bad did fighting in name of love did,

You will never know love again

You think, in the face believes

In the shadows of end

Drownings and mornings

Feels same.